Monday, Monday
Nov. 27th, 2006 11:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yellowrosetxAnd so, here I am awake at 3 something AM or as my husband often refers to it, O Dark Early. That's military jargon that pretty much means you are up and moving well before daybreak. I work on the opposite cycle at times, awake in the wee hours and sleep until noon. I've always been a night person.
So, here I sit with my large black mug of tea with "So Many Books, So Little Time" written on it, and a bit of Bailey's to flavor it. I'm trying to relax so I can got get some sleep, but my brain is either in overdrive or wandering mode. That's both good and bad. For instance, I started writing this around 3:15 AM and somehow it's now become 4:24.
I guess some part of my brain is trying to avoid spitting out something that's on my mind. Suicide is a long term answer to what are usually short term problems. No, I'm not contemplating such an act, but the subject was brought up recently and I need to raise a few thoughts. I must admit that there have been times when I wondered why I wasn't removed from the gene pool. And there have been times when I had been so depressed that I wondered if I was in some twisted form of hell and not alive. Those feelings were raised by some unusual circumstances. It's not everyday that one thinks they are going to be face to face with who or whatever the higher power is that people speak of.
11:22 AM
I've had a nice rest, but those thoughts are still wandering my head. I really prefer to be pleasant and upbeat (don't most of us prefer that?), but sometimes it just isn't that easy. I can't fix that person's problems and truth be told, they brought some of them on themself. I don't know how to handle it other than grabbing them and doing the "listen up you primitive screw head" thing that I seem to be very good it.
2:06 PM
On to lighter things.... I have things to get done outside the house today, so #1 son is picking up things about the house. I had been eating chips with my lunch and the bag was still on the table.
Tom: "We have bag clips for a reason, woman!"
Me: "Now you know how I feel when I have to clean up after you."
Tom: ::moment of silence::
6:16 PM
Did the Wal-mart drill, got the foam peanuts, etc. Picked up a birthday gift for Liz, gift card for Applebee's.She said they've been wanting to go to the one that opened near them.
9:54 PM
Dinner done, house picked up again. Need to write a letter and seal the box for Mom and Dad so it can be mailed.
So, here I sit with my large black mug of tea with "So Many Books, So Little Time" written on it, and a bit of Bailey's to flavor it. I'm trying to relax so I can got get some sleep, but my brain is either in overdrive or wandering mode. That's both good and bad. For instance, I started writing this around 3:15 AM and somehow it's now become 4:24.
I guess some part of my brain is trying to avoid spitting out something that's on my mind. Suicide is a long term answer to what are usually short term problems. No, I'm not contemplating such an act, but the subject was brought up recently and I need to raise a few thoughts. I must admit that there have been times when I wondered why I wasn't removed from the gene pool. And there have been times when I had been so depressed that I wondered if I was in some twisted form of hell and not alive. Those feelings were raised by some unusual circumstances. It's not everyday that one thinks they are going to be face to face with who or whatever the higher power is that people speak of.
11:22 AM
I've had a nice rest, but those thoughts are still wandering my head. I really prefer to be pleasant and upbeat (don't most of us prefer that?), but sometimes it just isn't that easy. I can't fix that person's problems and truth be told, they brought some of them on themself. I don't know how to handle it other than grabbing them and doing the "listen up you primitive screw head" thing that I seem to be very good it.
2:06 PM
On to lighter things.... I have things to get done outside the house today, so #1 son is picking up things about the house. I had been eating chips with my lunch and the bag was still on the table.
Tom: "We have bag clips for a reason, woman!"
Me: "Now you know how I feel when I have to clean up after you."
Tom: ::moment of silence::
6:16 PM
Did the Wal-mart drill, got the foam peanuts, etc. Picked up a birthday gift for Liz, gift card for Applebee's.She said they've been wanting to go to the one that opened near them.
9:54 PM
Dinner done, house picked up again. Need to write a letter and seal the box for Mom and Dad so it can be mailed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-11-28 10:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-28 01:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-28 07:14 pm (UTC)The thoughts come up not because I was contemplating suicide, because someone else was. I wanted to throttle that person. There's so much they have that's worth living for and they are blind to it.
I realize that when we hit rock bottom it can be hard to see what we have.
I keep trying to tell people, life is not a video game nor is it the RP games that you and I have played in. There is no save feature, there is no do over. While we might get a chance to repair our relationships, once one of the people involved is dead, we don't get another chance. Well, not unless we are someone like Allison DuBois, who converses with the dead. Fortunately or unfortunately, that sort of gift/curse is few and far between.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-28 09:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-28 10:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-29 04:05 pm (UTC)